Pillar 3: Sharing Disrupted Dreams of Parenthood.
Sharing disrupted dreams of parenthood during reproductive grief can serve as a profound bonding experience for couples. The grief arising from infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth often embodies shattered hopes and expectations, which can create a shared emotional landscape (Johnson & O'Connor, 2021). When couples openly discuss and mourn these lost dreams together, they build a deeper understanding of each other's inner worlds. This mutual vulnerability fosters intimacy and strengthens the emotional connection between partners (Johnson, 2015). By leaning into the shared sorrow, couples can find solace in knowing they are not alone in their suffering.
Understanding the "why" behind our partner's emotional experience of reproductive grief is essential to how we perceive and respond to their emotions. When couples comprehend the origins and depths of each other's grief, they can offer more empathetic and tailored support (Brown & Taylor, 2020). This understanding underscores the importance of emotional attunement, where partners are not only aware of each other's feelings but also acknowledge the underlying reasons for those emotions. The ability to interpret and validate these emotional experiences helps couples navigate the complex terrain of reproductive grief together, reducing feelings of isolation and promoting emotional cohesion (White & Green, 2019).
Moreover, sharing disrupted dreams of parenthood requires couples to confront and accept their vulnerabilities. This process of acceptance and understanding transforms the way partners relate to one another, offering a potent antidote to the emotional disconnection that often accompanies reproductive grief (Martinez & Lee, 2018). By mindfully acknowledging and validating each other's emotional experiences, couples can create a supportive environment where they feel heard and understood. This dynamic not only aids in coping with the grief but also reinforces the emotional bonds that sustain the relationship through challenging times (Garcia & Miller, 2017).
In one study conducted by Dr. Clay, having a shared meaning system was the highest predictor of couple satisfaction through the reproductive grief experience (see Brigance, 2025; Brigance et al., 2024).
Encouraging dialogue between the couple on their disrupted dreams of parenthood during reproductive grief can be a very powerful tool. To the left, you will see an example emotion-based activity for both Emotion Focused Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy. This activity is intended to allow the couple to engage in a speaker-listener exercise to deeper their understanding of one another, and to also feel understood.